


Drifting Towards Anything Chapter One

by orphan_account



Series: Drifting Towards Anything [1]
Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, F/F, Genderbending, Romance, Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:46:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey was used to her life, she'd grown accustomed to it. That didn't mean that she enjoyed it. That didn't mean that the thought of running away never surfaced, in fact, it never submerged. It was the dullness that drove her away but the security that made her stay. She felt so disconnected from everything around her. That was, until she met a girl called Ray. Then she began to see things differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drifting Towards Anything Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My first post on this site and my first series of fan fiction. Today's an exiting day for me! So in this they are both 17 and in College because I don't understand the American education system as much as my own. It isn't confusing or all that different to my knowledge but I'd rather not risk it. A quick FYI: A-Levels are the qualifications we do in college in the UK. Other than that there shouldn't really be any cultural differences.

The startling contrast between blood and snow. As the difference in temperature and colour cause the red liquid to bounce in an almost hypnotising way. The way that people can find beauty in this morbid spectacle. The way that nobody questions why the deep red blood is there. The way that they can just watch without wondering about the temperature of the blood and why it is still warm. These are things that strike me in human nature. How we are so quick to deny interest in such morbid matters when we know the circumstances of their birth, but never asking questions when presented with such things.

I think it boils down to how we'd be perceived by others. Or how we'd perceive ourselves. We don't want to admit that we find pleasure in morbidity to anyone, so we don't ask questions when we see it. We just accept this tiny glimpse of a dark outcome. 

I always look down as I walk along the paths in my neighbourhood because I don't want to see it. The grey skies blanketing me so that I can't see the sun. Litter thrown haphazardly around. As I stared at the floor I saw black shapes there, chewing gum that had long since been disposed of and had become a part of the street.

The bitter cold was biting me. Even the weather hated this this place.

I felt like a ghost in some respects. I had nothing substantial here. I could leave right now and live in some far away land, oh how I longed to do that, and not feel any regret or nostalgia. The only problem with that was my over-active imagination. Thinking about what I would do if I left terrified me. Where would I live? How would I survive? How would I get a job with nothing but random GCSE's? As such, I stayed put. Choosing a metaphorically empty being as opposed to a literal one. 

I had friends but they didn't seem to mind this repetitive so called life. In fact they embraced it. They enjoyed knowing what was going to happen to them at any time. Knowing that after school we would sit at the park. That every time they called I would be free and we would go to the same spaces to waste our time together. I didn't feel out of place with them, I just knew that if I were to leave that they would continue this routine together without me. Though I do like to lie to remind myself that they would miss me.

I had a late start at college that day, going in at 1:00pm for psychology and Sociology before going home at 3:00pm. I didn't share either of these classes with my friends, Alex and Laura but this was one of those days where we would spend a good three hours at the park. I never thought much about my classmates much, I had known Alex and Laura since I was in Primary school and I'd never experienced the need for anyone else because I'd found my place to drift in. But that was the crucial day of a new beginning, or a new outlook, or a new chapter or whatever you'd want to call it. I wasn't good with titles and dividing my life into sections like that. I felt that since linier time was a construct of human perception it would be wrong to force the flow of my being into it.

We were instructed to get into pairs and conduct a social experiment of our choosing about how gender roles are imposed from and early age. unfortunately, not being the most popular girl in my class had it's negative points. The current predicament being my inability to find somebody to partner with when I had a hard time remembering their names. In my panic I looked around the room quickly while everyone was moving to sit next to their partners. It was then that I saw another girl. She was clearly in the same situation as me. I could tell by the horror-stricken look plastered across her delicate features. This was my chance. If I could make it sound like I was helping her out and being nice, I could get a partner without looking as desperate as I was.

This girl had thick, curly hair that ended just at her shoulders in elegant flicks. It wasn't until I moved to stand next to her that I noticed her other, less prominent features, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't forget them. Her skin was somewhere between pale and peach that I couldn't quite distinguish because the way that the light highlighted her skin made it look otherworldly. I noticed that the curls weren't the only noticeable feature of her hair. It was a light brown colour but it made her curls look so much more graceful than I'd imagine possible.

"Hey, do you want to pair up?" I didn't mean for that to sound as pathetic as it did but she was on her own too so it's not like she was in any position to judge me.  
"Yeah, sure. I've already got an idea about what to do. Oh, my name's Ray," and I could believe it. Her voice, Ray's voice, had a raspy quality but it was so smooth at the same time and I never would have thought that could exist until this moment.  
"I'm Mikey," I replied, not knowing what else to say.  
"Are you going to sit down or do I have to keep looking up to you?" I forgot that I was still standing there, it was my nervousness. I was usually so encapsulated inside my small bubble life that having to do something that pushed me out of that life made me fail completely at simple tasks. I took the small plastic seat next to her, having to move a black coat off it that must have belonged to the person that occupied this seat before me.  
"Who just leaves stuff when they know someone will have to sit here? Idiot." I'm very glad that I muttered that part under my breath but I still have the feeling that she heard me say that. Mainly because of her smile but also because she apologised after informing me that it was hers. I was so embarrassed. I just called a complete stranger and idiot and I would be seeing her until this project was over, and we'd just met.

"Well, what's your idea?" I asked in an attempt to divert her attention to the project and away from what I had just said.  
"I was thinking that we could show people a video of a baby reacting to a pop-up toy. Then we could ask them how they thought the baby felt. Only we'll tell half of the people that the baby is a girl, and we'll tell the other half that it's a boy," I was impressed that she'd thought of such a good plan in the short time that we had know about the subject of the experiment. Then she followed it up with, "We don't have to do that though, I'm an idiot. You might have a better idea." It was light-hearted and she laughed a little when she said it, her tone was teasing and light. I still felt my face heating up in a flush of embarrassment, she had defiantly heard me say that.

"Sounds good," I said quietly, wishing that she would notice to drop the subject of idiocy. After my performance in our relationship so far, it was clear who the real idiot was. Ray seemed to get the message and she didn't mention it once throughout the lesson.

We decided that we needed to plan out our experiment first, like every good social scientist would. A large A3 sized paper should do nicely. Covered in Ray's multi-coloured gel pens, very scientific. She had cute handwriting, it was messy if you looked at it all together but if you looked at each letter individually it looked like art.

The awkwardness passed as quickly as it has arrived. The way we had the paper between us made it so that we had to lean in together to work on our plan also made my white glasses keep sliding down my nose. Each time I pushed them back up I could feel the slight trembling of Ray's shoulders as she laughed. She told me that my glasses were a blessing because if I wanted to I could pull them off to make everything blurry. Meaning that if I didn't want to see something I could just pull them off and pretend that it wasn't there. I explained to her that how that was not the intended use of my spectacles, doing an apparently funny 'pushing glasses up' motion that made her laugh. She decided that they were a blessing because they were cute after that. Trying to find some reasoning behind her statement, however ludicrous it was.

We didn't finish the plan in time so she invited me over to her house. I had plans that night, with Alex and Laura. I couldn't just leave them to do work with a girl I'd just met. They wouldn't mind, they were nice people, but I would. I declined as politely as possible and she said that it was fine. We said our goodbyes and I said I'd go over to her house to finish our task that Saturday. Giving me two days to think of what else we needed to get for our experiment.

I told Alex and Laura about Ray. Alex, as I expected was exited for me. She was proud that I had made an effort to meet someone new and had, as a result, made a new friend. Alex was always like that. He was happy with the smallest of victories if they were his own and proud if they were someone else's. I always joked that it was because of his small stature, "a higher concentration makes a faster reaction. Collision theory." If it worked in chemistry it could work with people. He smiled and hugged me, his demeanour changing. My face being warmed by his dyed black hair. It was so soft, this is why I liked being smaller than him. But it almost made me feel bad for wanting to leave so desperately. He was a peculiar boy in the sense that he wore so much black but by contrast his personality was so bright and caring. I'd take him with me, I decided. If I ever get the courage to run away. I wont just go on my own, I'll take him. His happiness might be able to drive away the dystopian futures I imagined when I thought about it.

Laura, by contrast, was never like that. She had always been with us but I have never known her as well as I know Alex. Her company is reassuring. I used to wonder if she felt this suffocating in the same way I did and I think she did, but now when she smiles it looks so content that I know she is happy here. We had always, and probably would always live like this. I never told Laura about how I felt despite telling Alex. This wasn't her area of expertise and it would be unfair to tell her how much I hated this society after she had begun to fell like a part of it. Laura was a warming presence on my other side as we sat together, she would help me if I needed her too, and she would be by my side. However I would never use that security. I would never drag her away from here. The worst part was that once I was gone I knew it wouldn't miss her because her life would go on and she'd be fine.

"Are you going to her house soon then?" Alex enquired, bouncing on the balls of his feet. We were sat on an old swing-set and the black metal chains rattled as he did so as though the only way to get his excitement out was to disperse it throughout the park toy.  
"Yeah, this Saturday. We still have some work to do," I said while swinging gently.  
"Once you're done we should meet so you can tell us how it goes," once Alex has an idea in his head it's impossible to get rid of it. That is the reasoning I'm using as to why I agreed, it wasn't because I didn't want to see the rejection in his green eyes.

We practically lived in this park. We were here all of the time. The trees were bare and over grown. Dead leaves strewn all over, the shredded skin of nature. Children never ventured over here despite it being built for them. The rusted and worn-out colouring of the once bright red fence made it look decrepit and aged. The 'No Dogs' sign only being held on by two bolts where there should be four. It seemed secluded here, in the middle of a grassy plain and you could just see the tops of the tiles of people's houses through the branches of the trees that surrounded it. This area didn't lie. This area reflected just how family friendly my neighbourhood wasn't. If the unlikely situation ever arose and I was asked to compare myself to a place this would be it. 

Laura was leaning against the beam that supported the swings on my side. She was smoking as she always did. She had started when her dog died. She loved that dog, she was fifth-teen when it died of old age. Her eyes became blank and the cancerous stick was her way of dealing with her bereavement. It had calmed her down and helped her to find a medium, somewhere between grief and addiction. I wished that she'd stop. She said that she could, she just needed it a little longer to help her cope. Three years later and I stopped questioning it. Knowing that she wouldn't stop and that I couldn't stop her. I watched her get sucked into the self destructive nature everyone here possessed, even Alex.

It would eventually take me too, I thought as the conversation drifted. Leaving me and my thoughts in some strange environment. 

When I escaped the confines of my own mind and found myself reconnected with this the conversation, they were making plans for that Saturday. Deciding what they wanted to do until I was done at Ray's house and could join them. I didn't know why they needed to plan anything, we always did the same things and they could come here or go to the town centre with or without me. 

We stayed at the park for a few hours, I wasn't sure how long it had been but the sun(from what little I could see of it behind the grey clouds) had begun to set, casting a dull shade of red in it's wake. We lived in different directions. That was why we chose the park as our spot, it was close to where we had to split up on our paths home. As I walked through the chilling breeze I felt my phone vibrate violently in my pocket. With a sigh I pulled it out, muttering profanities to myself as my pink fingers had lost their ability to function efficiently in the weather. Why would Laura be texting me now? The only people who had my number were Laura and my mother. Alex hated phones. He'd utterly annihilated one with a brick, and the last one he'd thrown into a lake. His parents finally got the idea that no matter what they tried he would never accept one. He said it was because he hated being connected all the time. He didn't like that there was nowhere for him to truly be alone. Laura said that he was stupid, because having a phone was having protection. They ended up having a reasonably heated debate over the essence of privacy and what it meant in modern society. I kept strange company. Alex needed to be alone sometimes. He said it like every sane person in the world could sit by a lake(possibly containing a broken phone) for hours in the cold and think about nothing and everything at the same time. He would go there to get away from his dog. It would attack him frequently and leave painful-looking scratched up and down the pale skin of his arms. After a while they got rid of the dog. Alex seemed happier. I was glad that things got better for him, he hated going home with that dog there.

Sure enough the text was Laura, asking me if I knew where Ray lived and reminding me to ask her if I didn't. "Yes, Mum," sarcasm ringing clear in my voice as I talked to the inanimate object in my hand. I walked home at a brisk pace as usual, avoiding being out when it was too dark and I was alone just to be safe. The old wood of the door greeted me as it did each time I came home. Without pulling my shoes off at the door I went straight to my room to study for a Psychology test I'd surely fail if I didn't. I was bad at Psychology but good at Sociology by comparison. I figured I'd be around the sae level at each but it hadn't worked out that way. The actions of groups becoming easier to understand than those of an individual. I was trying but the more I stared at the words the less sense they made. Random letters were swimming around in my brain and I couldn't make sense out of anything written on the page. I gave up. I cared if I failed but I didn't at the same time. It was like using scales to see what would cause me the most pain, trying to revise now or failing my test later. I decided I'd rather postpone the pain and go to sleep, I had until Monday to prepare for this test, I could try again tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? I'd appreciate it if you'd leave feedback and thank you for reading it. Updates will be unscheduled but they should be frequent.


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